the tyranny of elastic

Maternity clothes, particularly professional maternity clothes for women in their third trimesters, come with expand-o-waists. They are voluminous affairs, with extra cloth and elastic everywhere.

Before I got pregnant, if you had told me that I would be spending the working part of my pregnancy in the professional-dress equivalent of leggings, I would have been thrilled. I've never been a fan of shopping. I prefer jeans to fancy dress, and I can't imagine spending hours looking for the perfect skirt or just the right pair of black pants. I like looking professional, but I would prefer that process to happen automagically.

I never, ever thought that I would miss zipping and buttoning my tailored black pants and skirts.

But I've now had a month of professional wear where I haven't zipped anything. There is no room left to zip; my waistline disappeared ages ago. It's been all elastic, all the time.

The problem is that all elastic, all the time makes me feel like a large, professionally attired walrus. It's irrational; my weight gain has been normal, and, for goodness' sake, I'm pregnant, so I don't have an excuse to feel like a walrus, but there you go. Nobody said you have to be rational all the way through pregnancy. A large, professional walrus it is.

This weekend I went on a walrus counterattack and bought a little black maternity dress. It's solid black, not the flowery reupholstered couch look that most maternity dresses have. It's little and black everywhere except the belly, where it's not little in the slightest. I can't wear it to the office, as it is decidedly not office attire, but I'm inordinately pleased to have added it to my closet. I may not have zippers anymore, but at least I have a little black dress.