biology 101

My fellow law students were universally supportive during my pregnancy. Once it was public knowledge, people frequently picked up my bags for me as I went up the stairs, held seats at events and took notes for me.

I did encounter, however, some fundamental misconceptions about the basics of human biology.

1. “You’ll be pregnant for two sets of finals!”

The human pregnancy is approximately 38 weeks from conception to birth. For ease of calculation, consider it nine months. For even more ease of calculation, my due date is September 25th. That’s NINE twenty-five, if you catch my drift.

So, no, I was not pregnant for two sets of finals.

2.”Ewwwwww! There’s, like, a human in there! That is SOOOOO weird!”

Yes, there is in fact a human inside me. Believe me, at times I find it pretty weird too. I’m growing a human? Dang.

3. “You’re gonna get all fat! Do you have to gain weight?”

Yes, one must gain weight in pregnancy. Sad, but true. This is because, as noted above, pregnancy involves growing a unique human being who is not weightless and who is surrounded by a sack of liquid. Therefore weight gain is inevitable. Sorry about the bad news.

4. “Oh my God, how did you get pregnant in law school?”

My personal favorite question, but I’m afraid the answer to that question falls deep into the Shall-Not-Be-Publicly-Discussed category.

This book, however, might provide a useful refresher on the topic.

5. “Do you, like, totally want to eat pickles?”

No. Pickles are gross.

6. “It’s like Alien!”

Sure, other than the fact that he’s a) human (I’m guessing the ultrasound pictures didn’t lie) and b) isn’t going to burst out of my stomach except perhaps in some very controlled circumstances and in that case he won’t try to eat the doctors immediately post-burst. He may slime them. But sure, otherwise just like Alien.

7. “I assume it was an accident. How did you feel when you found out?”

“I felt great. But it wasn’t an accident.”

“You mean you deliberately got pregnant in law school?” I think I horrified her.

I was surprised at the number of people who thought my pregnancy was an accident. I assumed the casual observer would have noted that I have made it thus far with no children and that I am now pregnant. Without going back to the Shall-Not-Be-Publicly-Discussed category, this indicates a successful application of birth control for a nonzero period of time. I thought people would use human pattern recognition skills and come to the obvious conclusion.

Apparently the conclusion I assumed was obvious was not, in fact, obvious.

8. “Wow, I didn’t know you were trying.”

That’s because I didn’t say anything, my personal feeling being that information about conception attempts is deep in the Shall-Not-Be-Publicly-Discussed category. Heck, I’m blushing as I write this.

Do people really want status reports on child-making attempts?

9. “Oh my God, have you seen the size of baby heads?”

Believe me, I am trying hard not to think about it.